Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
