I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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