Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
