one two three fourrrrnication!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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