Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i dont even know how to be here
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
