dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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