It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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