Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
