and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
