she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
and she was petting her beer can
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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