Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
