My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
