Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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