I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
