the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My pussy is not your playground.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
