She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
