Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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