So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
