She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
