Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
