I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
