I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
