Cold hands, warm shart.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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