Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
