You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
