shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
