Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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