No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
