Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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