i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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