Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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