sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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