Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
