So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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