1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
