Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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