Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
foreskin is a definite game changer
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
