I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
