I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Randomize
