I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
