on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
