You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
