i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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