i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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