Taylor Swift is so right about you.
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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