He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
