I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
