I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
