I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
