I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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