Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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