im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
