Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
